“After all, I deserve it!”

Yep, I am in one of those kinds of moods. My girlfriend and I have been training for the half marathon since January and I am getting an attitude. I can’t say it’s a good one either! I hoped I would see some pounds being shed as I continue to take longer and longer walks, but it’s not happening. I am up to 7 miles and you’d think I’d see some lower numbers on that scale.

I have been using various exercise videos on my cross training/ easy days. Wow, I realize that I have a long way to go to get in shape. I won’t name any names, but the first DVD my friend brought over was for older, wiser exercisers. I quickly grabbed it out of her hands, threw it down on the floor, and pretended to stomp on it. I was insulted that my friend put us into that category! Grant it, I am not a spring chicken any more, but I’m not that old either!  I did do it twice and there were some great stretching exercises, but I was looking for a more stringent program and a younger crowd to work out with. After all, I deserve it.

The next video my friend showed me was a woman who is older than me, but she obviously has been working out a whole lot more than me! Her videos were 20 minutes and my friend and I were both panting and gasping for breath as we were doing the video. I had felt that I was fairly fit, but after working out with that said individual I realized that I am going to have to step up my cross training. A thought did cross my mind about her though… “She is pretty well off financially. Maybe she has had some nips and tucks here and there. ” I know, what a terrible thought to have. 😦 I drank some water and completed my session with an ice cream bar. After all, I deserved it.

I then spoke to a friend who is a few years older than me and she has run 3 half marathons. She is planning on running this marathon too. Did I mention I am walking, not running? Anyway, I asked her what she has done previously to cross train.  She mentioned another lady who I think most of you have heard of, but she shall remain nameless as well. (Her initials are JM.) I watched a UTube video of her as she twisted and contorted, encouraged, and modified exercises for beginners that I am sure she felt were fairly easy.

“Are you kidding me?” I screamed at the video screen. I huffed and puffed, grunted, growled, and finally fell down laughing at how pathetic I was at doing the exercises. After a day of psyching myself up, I decided to give it another try with a different easier video of hers. Yeah, right! I did reward myself though, with a little chocolate since I had burned off quite a number of calories. After all I told myself, “I deserve it.”

So, here I sit no lighter than I was before I began training, but no heavier either. I guess I can see now why I haven’t lost any weight. I have convinced myself that I deserve all of the fattening things that I have consumed after exercising and have even rationalized that muscle weighs more than fat.

What I really deserve is exactly what I have now- no difference in my weight. So, I am going to try to do better; eat more veggies, cross train and lift weights more diligently and I am sure I will see a difference.

Speaking of seeing a difference,I want to see a difference in my attitude towards my family and others.  I am also going to give grace liberally.  I am sure that when I am less impatient and listen with empathy I will see a difference. It has to start with me. After all, it’s what they deserve.


One thought on ““After all, I deserve it!”

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